How would Michael Bay ruin a Sonic the Hedgehog movie?
I saw Transformers: The Dark of the Moon yesterday, and while I can tolerate some of the Michael Bay-isms that are so much a part of his style, there’s is only so much of that you can withstand. I will give him points for correcting a lot of the issues that have plagued the series, in spite of the fact that it took a total of 3 movies to get them right, many of the movie franchise’s problems still persist.
It had me thinking on the way home, what if Michael Bay took Sonic the Hedgehog and turned into a live action movie for Paramount Studios? It’s the perfect setup, an evil scientist creates machines and wants to take over the world and the only one who can stop him is a blue Hedgehog, sounds simple enough,right? But there are so many ways to get this wrong, here are some of them…
Add an unlikeable main protagonist
As if the concept of super-hero hedgehogs and giant robots wasn’t amazing enough, you must always include a human protagonist to be represent “us” and the change in that character, shows how much either Optimus or Sonic had an impact on the hero, again, “us”. Except that, things never turn out that way, we bought a ticket to see giant robots duke it out, we don’t want to see Sam moaning about how hard it is to look for a job, or Chris Thorndyke complaing about his “Disney Princess” life. Grow a pair…
Humor is good, it sometimes helps break the tension, but with the Transformer movies, it gets to a point when it is no longer funny and it starts being unconfortable and unpleasant. From first-bumping hip hop stereotypes to jokes about bodily fluids to an aging woman getting high on pot, I don’t even want to think about what they would do with Sonic characters***shudder***.
Fan-favorite characters as just background filler
While 50% of a movie is focused on the main hero that nobody likes, about 30% is focused on the real hero that everyone came to see, the rest of characters make the meager 20% only as background filler. Wanna bet Knuckles would only have a 20 second cameo in a Sonic movie? But then again, Cream the Rabbit would most likely only get a 2-second-don’t-blink-or-you’ll-miss-it and that would be ok.